What Does Adoption Mean to Some Families?
By Melany Troller, M.Ed.
Families come in all shapes and sizes. There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to what a family is. November is National Adoption Awareness Month and when we think of families, we know that adoption plays a huge role in creating and completing families. This raises the question: what do we really know about adoption? It is shrouded in misconceptions and stigmas. We need to understand what adoption actually is by separating fact from fiction.
Two families opened up about the process of adoption and the journey they went through, finalizing their adoptions during COVID-19. They shared a lot of realities about adoption that are not common knowledge. Too often we let pop culture dictate our understanding of the world, and adoption is not immune to this. It is not a quick process, it is not an easy process, and it is not something anyone can do on a whim.
Melissa and Aaron’s Story:
Melissa and Aaron started the adoption process two years ago. They both agreed they were looking to adopt an older child, and siblings if possible. They went to the mandatory parenting class, had their background checks done, and underwent the laborious task of having a home study completed. Adoption takes a long time because each step is involved, and the adoption system is sorely understaffed. Their experience was a little under two years, which, in the adoption world, is pretty fast.
The hardest learning points they shared about the process were:
• Trying to find kids to adopt – it isn’t as easy as you’d think. You have to put in the work to find the kids as caseworkers are overloaded.
• It’s not a fast process. Who to ask about kids and the rhythm of asking without seeming overbearing is a delicate balance.
• It can take years to be matched with kids.
• Don’t be narrow in the definition of what your family is going to look like – you can love a kid no matter what – all families are different.
Some misconceptions they want to dispel:
• Adoption doesn’t make your family different – it makes you a family.
• We didn’t just gain kids – we gained the families of their other siblings as well.
• So many kids are looking for and deserve a forever home. There is a stigma on adoption that we need to get rid of.
Maureen and David’s Story:
Maureen and David never planned to adopt. They chose to go the foster route. Maureen’s advice for families choosing to foster is, “Don’t get into foster care because you want to adopt a child. The goal of foster care is reunification and the outcome isn’t always adoption.” Maureen stated, “We started the foster care process to give children a safe place to live while their parents worked their case plan.” They met their child through the foster process and decided to pursue adoption, which had not been part of their plan.
The hardest learning points they shared about the process were:
• Adoption isn’t always easy. The process for us was long and exhausting, especially with our child being in foster care prior. It’s not a quick process but it’s incredibly worth it.
• The foster journey can be tough.
Some misconceptions they want to dispel:
• Adoption is a beautiful thing for all parties involved and is a wonderful option I wish people considered more often. Adoption is important because all children need love.
• Not all couples are able to have biological children and not all couples are able to care for their biological children. Adoption is a great way for these children to still be cared for and loved in a family that is able to care for them.
If you want to learn more about Maureen and David’s foster and adoption journey, you can check out YouTube, Instagram, or their website under The Magical Mundane Life.
Two families, two adoptions, and two completely different stories. Just like families, adoption experiences and outcomes vary. There are so many children out there who deserve to be loved and part of a family. Adoption is not easy, as these two families shared, but it is doable, even during a global pandemic. If you have considered adoption hopefully the stories of these two incredible families motivates you to start the process, recognize the challenges and obstacles, and grants you some peace of mind that this is
truly a long yet fulfilling process.
Melany Troller is a mom, educator, freelance writer, and teaching & learning consultant. You can reach her at committedtoteachingandlearning@gmail.com